The Cabbage Chronicler

  Photo by freestocks on Unsplash I’m back, witches! So you’re lactose intolerant but can’t resist the siren call of cheese or whatever your preferred dairy-based vice is. Don’t give in to despair! Magic can and will solve all your problems. You can transfer your curse to another with a clever ritual using easy to find components and fuelled by your own desire. Step 1 : Get your sexy right. Clear your mind, put on your most sensual outfit, and start drinking until you feel irresistible. Light some candles and start scattering crystals around. Once the energy in the room feels appropriately sexually charged you are ready for step 2. Step 2 : Get your phone out. Start swiping right on every hippie or hipster you see. You are fishing for a vegan. Don’t worry, they’ll let you know right away. You won’t have to ask. Step 3 : Invite the vegan to your quaint and instagram-able cottage in the woods. Send them enticing selfies of the romantic atmosphere you’ve created and your unique neo-pa...

Photo by Matt Briney on Unsplash This is an old recipe my nana taught me that utilizes ingredients already lying around your cottage and one or two items you can easily acquire at your local fae night market. It does need to be a full moon outside, but you can start brewing as soon as it gets dark, you don’t need to wait until midnight. Any hour is the witching hour when you’re a witch doing witchy things. Prep: You’re going to need several blessed vessels to contain the finished potion. If you don’t have time to wait for the jar fairy to leave a fresh batch at your door before the next full moon you can empty some pre-blessed jars you’ve previously used and skip to step 2. Take your fresh jars outside and set them upright in a sunny spot and leave them be until a curious cat comes and knocks one or more of them over. Your jars are now blessed, free of any negative energies that might taint their contents. Place your cauldron over a medium flame and fill with fresh swamp water. Thos...