Dastardly Dopplegangers Driving Divorces

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Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash


In this age of technology and surveillance, infidelity is easier to expose than ever. Millions of happy couples every year have their lives destroyed by a partner discovering unsavory texts, photos, or videos featuring their significant other. But are these events the result of spouses being unfaithful, or the work of an evil race of mimics hell-bent on destroying rock-solid marriages like mine?

New evidence suggests that a new species of humans, classified as homo dopplus by the scientific community, is running amok in our society, pretending to be us in order to ruin our lives one by one. Their method of mimicry is not fully understood at this time, but we know it is very sophisticated, and they look and sound nearly identical even when photographed. Once they have copied their victims, they proceed to ruin their lives by committing petty crimes, harassing friends and coworkers, and even framing them for adultery with photographic and video evidence.

You may think this ridiculous, but I myself have been a victim of one of these creatures. Earlier this year I was targeted by one of these mimics at a local bar, and after stealing my phone and wallet, they proceeded to send photos of "my" penis to my female coworkers, who I always treated respectfully. The horrible mimic didn't stop their though, it then used my debit card to withdraw hundreds of dollars from an ATM and spent the night getting bottle service at a strip club before screwing one of the strippers in the alley behind the club. I know this because the unspeakable villain filmed the whole thing on my phone and uploaded it to the iCloud account I share with my wonderful wife! She of course did not believe me when I said it wasn't me, and I'm now staying with my brother, but that's why we need to get the word out about these horrible monsters, so more couples won't be subjected to the same fate I was!


Also Vanessa if you see this, please call me.


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