Vegetarians and Vegans: Lurking Lizard Lads?

 

Photo by Gareth Hubbard on Unsplash

Have you ever been perplexed by vegetarians? Confused by vegans? Wondering to yourself how they could possibly give up the sweet, sweet taste of Beef? The answer might surprise you.

More and more people every year seem to be switching to the vegetarian and vegan lifestyle. Many cite reasons for making the switch, like "Saving the planet," "Eating animals is murder," and "Meat is actually bad for you." We all know that these are silly reasons that have never stopped humans from gorging themselves on meat and animal products before. After all, the only true way to fit in in our society is to eat more meat than anyone else, then brag about it. The most highly elevated people in our culture are those that can catch their own meat, after all. Praise be to the mighty hunter, who stalks his prey in the comfort of a shelter, waiting for a few hours will beer, then mowing down a deer with a high powered rifle with laser sights. Truly a mighty challenge.

So if our society praises hunting and devouring meat to the point of gout, why are there these few people that reject and abhor the natural consumption of animal flesh? This author has the humble proposition that they are ELITE MEMBERS OF THE ILLUMINATI! How else could these people RESIST THE DELICIOUS TEMPTATION OF ANIMAL MUSCLES? It's not humanly possible. 

The next time you meet a vegetarian, (don't worry, they'll tell you) tell them that you're on to their lizardy ways. You have drunk the koolaid and can see through their tepid disguise. They are the wretched Lizard Illuminati that threaten to overthrow and destroy our society and our scrumptuous, meaty consumption ways.

LONG LIVE THE MEAT!