Mysterious Bloop: Creepy Cthulhu or Something Seriously Sinister?

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Photo by Cristian Palmer on Unsplash


What is The Bloop? Nowadays, scientists will try to convince you that The Bloop is nothing more than an ice quake, the sound of glaciers cracking and splitting apart from each other, due to global warming.

If you're like us, and you probably are if you're reading this article, you're probably thinking to yourself, "How can a bloop be glaciers breaking apart?" Well, we're glad you asked. The true is, everyone has been lying to you. The Bloop that you hear everywhere is actually sped up to 16 times it's normal speed, making it sound more like a bloop. The original sound is longer, grindier, and more drawn out. You can give it a listen here:


Hearing The Bloop at normal speed is certainly a lot less exciting than at 16 times speed, but no less intriguing. If The Bloop not what the NOAA says it is, what is it? And why would they lie? Some people theorize that they are trying to hide the truth from our fragile minds because The Bloop is none other that the sound of Cthulhu snoring! While this is a good theory, the Truth is far more well-known and terrifying.

The Bloop is in fact the sound of the Illuminati drilling and mining away at our untapped magma reserves at the bottom of the ocean! If we don't band together to stop them, not only will the Illuminati continue to rule our planet, but they will suck the magma core right out and leave us on a deflated planet.

WE'RE ON TO YOU, ILLUMINATI.


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