Book Review: This Old Tome I Found*

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person reading book
Person Reading Book Photo on Unsplash

So, I was at an estate sale the other day, and I bought this beautiful locked box. The seller told me that they'd never been able to open it, and it had just been sitting around in the attic for a few generations. Naturally, I immediately needed to have it.

I got it home and began what I thought would be a difficult enterprise in attempting to open a box that was stuck closed for potentially hundreds of years (without damaging it). But, it wasn't difficult at all. I went to examine the latch, and as if it were fate, it opened with ease. I thought for a second that the inside was glowing, but it was probably the 8 shots of espresso I had earlier in the day. But, inside, I actually found was a beautiful old leather-bound tome! I couldn't quite make out what was written on the cover, but I was able to determine the word "horror", so I think it will be a fun spooky story.

As my loyal readers, I felt it was only right to bring you along on this exciting journey. So, I will be updating this article as I read it, and publishing it once I've finished.

Chapter 1:

The cover was worn but the pages are in pristine condition. The beginning has elaborate scroll work, and charming drawing of some sort of gargoyle. The first chapter was surprisingly dull. It spoke of star patterns and had a lot of technical drawings of stars and planets.

Chapter 2:

Things got more exciting in chapter 2. There were some lovely recipes for drinks which were specifically catered at special events, especially funerals and other death ceremonies. I want to make one of the drinks, but they all called for some kind of blood or ingredients that required months to ferment, so I decided against it.

Chapter 3:

What a wild ride! I've learned so much about ๊Ÿฟ๊ฃ๊ฑ๐’Œ๐Šต๐‹…๐’™๐’ˆ๐’‹ž and โฑ‹โฑ‘ↇ๐ “๐’‡ฉ๐’™. I would tell you guys more, but I have to take care of the ๐ŠŒ๐’†ฅ๐ Œแจ in the bathtub right now. I tell you guys all about it later!

Chapter 4:

แ†Žแ†ˆแšก๐’ฆแจ‰๊Ÿฟ๊ฃ๊ฑ๐’Œ๐Šต๐’ˆ๐’€…ใ†„ฯž๐‹…๐’€ƒแจƒ๊Œ๐’ƒ‹โฑ‹โฐแšฌ๐’‚ด๊™ช๊™แš™๊‹๐คค๐’‡ฉ๐’†“โ†ƒแจ๐’˜๐’ง๊™ฎ๐’ƒ๐ค˜ฯกแšธ๐’‹žแจ–๐’ˆᛯโฐฝใ…‚แ›คↇ๐Ž›๐Žโฐก๐Š™๐Žˆ๐Šจ๐‹๐‹‹๐‹ˆ๐Šƒ๐ŠŒ๐Š‹๐Š๐’‚ต๊š’๐Šš๐ŽŒ๐Š‰๐คฅแจ‡๐ Œแจ„ฦ„แจใ„ถ᨟แจŠแจ”แžจแปพↈแ‡•แ†ทแ†ญↂↁฦง๐ Žฦธ๊ท๐’†ก๊™๐ –๊˜๊‚๐ ซ๐’ฎ๐Šœ๐ฉ‡แ„คแ„šแ„ฟใ…”แ‡ฝ๐’™ใ††๐’‘ฯก๐•ฯแ›—แ›ƒ๊œดแšผโฐ†๐’†ฅโฐŠ๐’‘กโฐงโฑ‘๐Šต๐’Šโฑšโฐณโฐช๐’€™โฐ‡๐’ž๐ “๐ ฒ๐’‡ฝ๐ ›๐ ˜แ†Žแ†ˆ๐ Ž
๐’จ


*We at The Cabbage Chronicler have posted this with the permission of the author's family. We firmly believe that this is what she would've wanted. It is complete and unedited in the form it was found. We miss her dearly, and hope that she eventually recovers. If you would like to show your support**, the author currently resides at the Patch Hospital for the Mentally Insane. 

**Please do not look her in the eye or give her your name, as there have been some unfortunate incidents. It is also not advised to bring her any written materials, as it enrages her.

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